A couple of years ago, I got into it HEAVY with some lady online about “The R”. She said something about the Eddie Long scandal, and I told her if we’re slandering people due to allegations, then I hope she felt the same way about the man who sounds like a harmonizing goat (the animal, not the accolade).
She got mad and said that we shouldn’t talk about the masked singing menace because he wasn’t expected to mentor and save souls like Eddie was, and that was absurd to me. Allow me to say right now, I in no way condone the things that Eddie Long was accused of, but the notion that one sin is greater than the other because someone is a spiritual leader and the other is not is preposterous.
Anyway, the debate continued, and of course, like any non-self respecting member of the #peehive, she started victim blaming. So I asked if she had a daughter and what she would do if said daughter told her that Kellmonger had nefarious intentions with her.
This woman fixed her fingers to type, “Well she shouldn’t have been out there being ‘fast’ or whatever.”
I was beside myself. I promise to the Most High that this was my next thought:
Welcome to the second installment of my sport's piece. In the first article, I covered the NBA. Now, it’s time to talk about…
Is Psycho Tom done?
So word on the street is that Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr., First of His Name, Slayer of Panthers, Lord Over the Ram Horn, Residential Bird Killer, and Protector of Text Messages has not made a commitment to return to the New England Patriots. Listen, I’m not a fan of the Pats but I’ve always liked the way Tom plays. With that being said, what the hell is going on in New England to where the Pats are involved in a situation so volatile that the man who played through Spygate, Deflategate, and Choking 101 (34-28) wouldn’t want to commit to the house that he helped build? We’ve been hearing rumblings for a while that Darth Sidious (Belichick) and President Snow (Kraft) are at odds over what direction the franchise goes in next and this development, in congruence with Solomon Grundy (Gronk) not knowing if he’s coming back, kind of supports the sneaking suspicion that House Lannister may finally fall. We’ll keep you updated as this develops.
Dez out here Dezing
So the Cowboys released Dez Bryant and reports surfaced that Dez was heard saying they’ll have to see him twice a year. This instantly drove NFL fans into chaos, as the only teams who are guaranteed to play Dallas twice a year are the Washington R’s (never cared for the name of their team), the Eagles, and the Giants. Let’s go over their outlook if they sign Dez:
Washington Racial Slurs: They still won’t be s***!!!
Philadelphia Eagles: Go from Super Saiyan God Blue to Mastered Ultra Instinct
New York Giants: They look fantastic when you think about the fact the Odell is there, and then depressing when you realize Eli Manning is a bum half of the time…
I’m not a big fan of Dez. Part of this is because of how often he drops the ball, and the other part is he does nothing for me in fantasy football. However, I’d be foolish to think that he doesn’t add significant value to the right team if they pull the trigger. We’ll see how this unfolds in a thousand months when the next NFL season kicks off.
Also, the Cleveland Browns are still ass. No matter who they sign.
J2 once swallowed bubblegum when he was 6, and it didn't come out until he was 13.
You may already know this from listening to the show, but I just want to say plainly that I love sports. Sports usually involve drama that never gets old, and from season to season there are a ton of different storylines to follow at any given time regardless of what sport you choose to pay attention to. Even in golf, the whitest sport of all time, there’s an interesting narrative to be told. With that being said, I’m proud to provide hot-takes and some semi-responsible commentary on sports. Let’s get to it!
The NBA Playoffs
Unlike the 2015, 2016, and 2017 playoffs, there appears to be a little more parity in the 2018 playoffs. Now I believe that we’re headed for a Houston Rockets (if Curry doesn’t return in time from injury) and Cleveland Cavaliers (more on that in just a bit) NBA Finals, but let’s break down some noteworthy bits that have occurred in the first round so far.
A Singin’ Wakandan vs. The Kang
The Cavs are coming off a Game 1 loss to the Pacers who bodied them behind the leadership of an R&B singer who also happens to be a citizen of Wakanda. Victor Oladipo dropped 32 pts on 11/19 FG’s and looked like he was Infinity War-ready. I’m sure the Cavs are going to bounce back in Game 2, but let’s really take a look at their 2017-18 campaign as a whole.
The Cavs started the season off on a down note when they traded Kyrie Irving to Boston for a damaged Isaiah Thomas. Then they traded everyone they got in that trade and did what essentially was a mid-season reboot and decided to press forward. Before the season began (and the Kyrie trade) I said that the Cavs weren’t going back to the Finals this year. It just seemed like the organization was set to implode with the realization that going against the Golden State Legion of Doom was an exercise in futility. The ONLY reason I’m picking them now is because of Kyrie’s injury. Boston was set to usurp the Cavs during the playoffs, but it doesn’t look like that’s set to happen.
Could you imagine the jokes that Bron haters would have if he gets eliminated in the first round?!
Dwayne Wade goes back to 2006
I’ve been saying for years that Wade’s best years are behind him and what happened during Game 2 of the Heat/76ers series did nothing to change that stance. That was a life model decoy, not The Flash. (Yes I know those references are from two different comic book companies… Suck it…) The Heat have a lot of great pieces in place and all they really need is a true superstar to give them a fair shot against most of the East. Dwayne Wade is no longer that man. Sixers in 5.
It was fun seeing 2006 again, though.
Boston ain’t going…
The Boston Celtics have pulled off a miracle and find themselves up 2-0 on the Bucks without their two best players, Kyrie Irving and Gordon Hayward. Only it’s not a miracle if you think about the fact that Brad “IT Helpdesk Support Rep” Stevens is their coach. This was the team that I figured would be going to the Finals and fulfilling my great “Fall of the King” prophecy, with part of that prediction rested on the shoulders of Stevens. The man knows X’s and O’s and commands more than superstar power in order to be defeated. Too bad we couldn’t see his squad at full strength.
And seriously… he looks like he’d troubleshoot the s*** out of your failing computer.
J2 once eliminated the Cleveland Brows from playoff contention.
Over the past two years, I have worked tirelessly to establish The Negro Justice League as a source of credible intellectual criticism on issues that are important to black people. That being said, a few days ago, J2 published an article ranking the top five chicken establishments.
We have received several strong reactions from readers who take offense to J2’s article, not because he’s a black man writing about chicken, but because he let a restaurant that only sells chicken fingers top the list.
It is my duty as the leader of The Negro Justice League to right this wrong. I will not amend J2’s article, however, I will create my own definitive list of the Top Five FRIED Chicken Establishments.
Honorable Mention: Go Chicken Go – I’m going to be honest with y’all… I don’t really remember what this restaurant’s chicken tastes like. They made the list because of their gravy. They serve a yellow gravy that is the bomb dot com. Unfortunately, their only locations are in Kansas City, so if you want some, you might have to take a little trip. It's worth it, though.
Now, to the real contenders
#5 KFC – The Colonel literally changed the game when it comes to fried chicken. He had the brilliant idea to fry chicken in giant pressure cookers. Anybody who’s ever operated a pressure cooker can tell you how exquisitely dangerous this is. He’s also the first Caucasian man to go on record seasoning his food. I can't imagine the backlash he must have generated. To this day, we don’t know exactly which eleven herbs and spices are on that chicken, and that's okay. At least we know it's seasoned.
#4 Bojangles’ – I really don’t have a lot to say here. Bojangles’ aint bad. They serve respectable fried chicken with reasonable sides. I do like that they serve breakfast. Nothing disappoints me like wanting to fill my arteries with fat and salt on my way to work only to find the drive-thru doesn’t open until 11 am.
#3 Popeye’s – Okay, we’ve reached the heavy hitters, and this is where people’s feelings start to get hurt. I really enjoy Popeye’s, especially the spicy chicken. Any time a restaurant gives me the option to go spicy I take it. It’s how you communicate to the majority culture that you want your food seasoned.
#2 Church’s Chicken – Let me tell you! Who doesn’t get excited to pull into a new city and see they have a Church’s? When I was a kid, my parents used to drive an hour south to Richmond, VA just to get some of that big ass chicken. Yes, you may have to wait 45 minutes to get your food, but that swan-sized chicken breast is well worth the wait. Whatever type of genetic modification they have going on with that food makes it extra delectable. I think J2 may have said something about the sides… Who needs sides when you can get two ostrich legs for $1.99? Oh, and don't forget to get the red soda.
And the top spot goes to… *drum roll*
#1 My Mama’s House – Yeah, I said it. No, this is not a restaurant. No, you can’t get some. I have been at my desk for the past hour thinking of a way to communicate to y’all exactly how good my mama’s chicken is. I was going to tell you how she out Colonel’s the Colonel with only four seasonings. I was going to tell you how she tucks the wing tips up under the chicken so they fry evenly and you don’t get salmonella. I was going to tell you how she fries them in a skillet and leaves them on napkins to dry. Instead of explaining all this, I decided to just give you a picture…
My mama’s chicken is better than yo’ mama’s chicken, and not nan one of y’all better write me about it, neither.
Oh, and follow our Instagram food blog @NJLeats.
Cherry served as President of the Hogwart's Black Student Union from 2005-2006.
Today’s installment of “Only in Atlanta” involves two women who decided to engage in mortal combat in a Chick-Fil-A drive-thru. When I woke up this morning, I had three messages from Chersei Lannister (Cherry, but you knew that) telling me I had to see the foolery that unfolded over some delectable chicken biscuits. Apparently, two women engaged in a Wrestlemania worthy feud that escalated to the point where they couldn’t exercise the decency to get off of holy ground before a round of Street Fighter. One woman pulled a gun and pointed it at who has to be the King Koopa (we don’t acknowledge the name “Bowser” here) in her life but was stopped from making a worse mistake by two other individuals. Goro and Shao Khan then decided to press the “start” button and square up.
What are the chances that two days after we made our official fast food chicken rankings two Tekken fighters decided that Chick-Fil-A was the appropriate battleground to settle their differences? I believe one of these two were fighting for the honor of the 4-Count Ministry, but I can’t say more for fear of being subpoenaed. I told y’all the list was law, yet people still came to me with complete and egregious disrespect when it came to St. Chick. I don’t care what you think, Chick-Fil-A has delicious food with a side of great customer service and you heathens better recognize. Get your souls right and pray before you spray.
J2 once helped a little boy who was being picked on because he was so small. J2 told the boy to stay strong, eat right, and be good to everyone. That boy grew up to become Godzilla.