Welcome to the second installment of my sport's piece. In the first article, I covered the NBA. Now, it’s time to talk about…
Is Psycho Tom done?
So word on the street is that Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr., First of His Name, Slayer of Panthers, Lord Over the Ram Horn, Residential Bird Killer, and Protector of Text Messages has not made a commitment to return to the New England Patriots. Listen, I’m not a fan of the Pats but I’ve always liked the way Tom plays. With that being said, what the hell is going on in New England to where the Pats are involved in a situation so volatile that the man who played through Spygate, Deflategate, and Choking 101 (34-28) wouldn’t want to commit to the house that he helped build? We’ve been hearing rumblings for a while that Darth Sidious (Belichick) and President Snow (Kraft) are at odds over what direction the franchise goes in next and this development, in congruence with Solomon Grundy (Gronk) not knowing if he’s coming back, kind of supports the sneaking suspicion that House Lannister may finally fall. We’ll keep you updated as this develops.
Dez out here Dezing
So the Cowboys released Dez Bryant and reports surfaced that Dez was heard saying they’ll have to see him twice a year. This instantly drove NFL fans into chaos, as the only teams who are guaranteed to play Dallas twice a year are the Washington R’s (never cared for the name of their team), the Eagles, and the Giants. Let’s go over their outlook if they sign Dez:
Washington Racial Slurs: They still won’t be s***!!!
Philadelphia Eagles: Go from Super Saiyan God Blue to Mastered Ultra Instinct
New York Giants: They look fantastic when you think about the fact the Odell is there, and then depressing when you realize Eli Manning is a bum half of the time…
I’m not a big fan of Dez. Part of this is because of how often he drops the ball, and the other part is he does nothing for me in fantasy football. However, I’d be foolish to think that he doesn’t add significant value to the right team if they pull the trigger. We’ll see how this unfolds in a thousand months when the next NFL season kicks off.
Also, the Cleveland Browns are still ass. No matter who they sign.
J2 once swallowed bubblegum when he was 6, and it didn't come out until he was 13.